Behind the Smile

Okay, it’s truth time. As much as I post baby smiles and write about nice things, my reality isn’t always as bright. I’ve had more sleepless nights than restful, anxiety attacks that come out of nowhere, and I burst into tears almost every other day. I’ve been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and PTSD. None of it related to motherhood but rather my day job. I can’t even begin to describe the amount of shame I feel about it or the amount of time I waste believing that other people have it worse and I’m just weak. It’s something I wouldn’t wish on my worse enemies. A lot of people in my life dismiss what I go through because I hide a lot of things. I hide the sadness behind smiles. I hide at home when days are bad and only come out when I’ve composed myself. Sometimes the hand we are dealt sucks, so every day I make a pot of tea and make a decision to do my best and make it a good day.