I recently had a conversation with a pregnant friend of mine. We started chatting about pregnancy and labour since she was coming up on her due day. I wasn’t even really putting much thought when I told her that labour really wasn’t that bad but I was taken back a bit when she and her husband both thanked me for my 2 cents. They went on to say that I was the first person who hadn’t told them some labour horror story. That made me think back to all the stories I heard before I gave birth, and I hadn’t realized it before, but they were right. I remember hearing a lot of labour horror stories from friends, co-workers, strangers. It’s almost like the minute we see a pregnant woman, we have this need to share some horrid labour story with her for some reason and that really needs to stop because it won’t help her when the time comes.
Now I’m not saying that there aren’t women who haven’t experienced horrible labours, or that they should just shut up about their own experience, I’m saying maybe we shouldn’t be scaring the first-time mom before she even gets to experience her own labour. Would you tell someone having open heart surgery a story about someone you knew dying on the operating table? No, you wouldn’t, or at least I hope you wouldn’t. So why would you share these fear-inducing stories with pregnant women?
Related: 10 Things No One Tells You About Pregnancy & Life as a New Mom
I know I’ve probably been guilty of sharing a horror story I’ve heard or two. I’m sure most of us share a horror story, but when I was finally pregnant with Wendy, the last thing I wanted to hear was a bad labour story. We had had enough with bad pregnancy stories, multiple miscarriages, a big scare at 21 weeks with Wendy, and just the general fear of the unknown. BUT I didn’t ask for stories from friends or family, I almost blocked them out because I didn’t need the added stress of thinking of all the things that could go wrong. It’s an unnecessary stress for new moms.
There’s also some science behind not telling that new mom a horror story, it can prolong her labour and increase the chances of medical intervention. There’s a reason why birthing rooms are becoming places of relaxation, and comfort. Women who are afraid of labour and childbirth are more likely to enter that fight or flight mode, which directs blood away from the uterus weakening its ability to contract effectively and slow down their labour. So it’s best for pregnant women to go into labour with calmer minds and less anxiety.
So the next time you see a pregnant friend, coworker, or relative and you feel the urge to share that story, don’t. Simply tell her how excited you are for her, and calm any fears she has. You’ll be helping her out a lot more by keeping your story to yourself, unless of course she asks, then grab a tea and start talking.
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